Open Letter To The Moms of The 'Clique-y' Playgroup

You know the one...the one that doesn't include just anyone. The "secret" one that meets every Friday? The one where the moms sit around and complain about their nannies and sip too-sweet champagne?

Well, in case you've been wondering where I've been and why I haven't been attending your playgroup or your "hot moms night out" (at expensive restaurants that I couldn't even afford one glass of wine at), I'm not attending your functions because there are a few moms who I can't stand. Granted, there are several of you that I really do like and that I would like to hang out with on occasion. I did "click" with some of you and you even laughed at my dirty jokes. But, there's that one, in particular, whom I make a habit of avoiding at all costs and well, she just doesn't miss a function. The only times she's missed (and I've quickly accepted an invite to, as a result of her absense) is when she was on a vacation 1000s of miles away. I figured it was safe. I had a great time, but knew that she'd be back in the next week to "mark" her terroritory and give me snide looks across the room while she flippantly dismissed me anytime I actually tried to participate in a conversation. It's because of her that you don't see me anymore. Her and her band of snotty, BFF moms. Yeah, your husbands are attorneys. Big fucking deal. I know, for a fact, that it's not as glamourous a job as you lead on (Hi Apple! Kisses!). And, at the rate that you're spending your husband's money (fancy kid clothing boutiques, spa services, a team of nannies to watch your ugly kid while you're spa-ing, clubing and shopping) there's a good chance you're not as well-off as you'd like everyone to believe. So, while I'm upset with myself for letting a few of you shoo me away from the rest of you, I'm better off for not getting wrapped up in that "keeping up with the Jonses'" nonesense that you purpotrate. Thanks for continuing to include me on your emails, annoucing the localle of each week's playgroup, (but in a second class citizen way, by CCing me--WTF is that about?) but you won't be seeing me anytime soon. Oh, and by the way? Your ass looks HUGE in that skirt.