A Christmas Story

This post isn't going to be dirty or otherwise inappropriate, as is par for the course for this blog, but I wanted to write about a memory that I just don't feel comfortable putting on the other blog, for everyone and their dog to read.

Several years ago, on Christmas day, we were in Edna, at Paw Paw's house. We'd turned on the TV and A Christmas Story was just starting. By this point (noon-ish on xmas day), I'd seen the movie approximately 3 times or so, since the 24 hour marathon began the night before, but I began watching it that day at Paw Paw's, nonetheless. Paw Paw had never seen A Christmas Story and, being a child of the same era as Ralphie, he got a big kick out of the movie. He'd say things like, "Oh wow! We had a furnace just like that!" or "My father used to say that too!" and of course, "I remember wanting a Red Rider BB gun!". It was so much fun to watch him watch this movie and relive some of his childhood. Naturally, that movie holds a very special place in my heart now.

Last week, I began listening to www.live365.com and their holiday music, being sick and tired of the holiday music that we have on our computer. On this website, I found a channel called "Ralphie's Radio". It's all 1930's and 1940's Christmas music and it reminds me so much of Paw Paw. Every now and then, a song will come on and I imagine a younger Paw Paw listening to it either as a child or as a handsome Army Air Corp pilot, on leave and back at home in upstate New York. Either way, a huge lump forms in my throat. This year, the holiday season is very bittersweet for me. Even though Paw Paw died before Christmas last year, (and thus, this isn't technically my first Christmas without him) this is the first time that I've really let myself miss him. I think that I spent probably 30 Christmases with him but this year is going to be so special with Anna and Nolan here. He would've loved them so much and just enjoyed the hell out of them.

I was thinking this morning, how much I'll miss my birthday card from him this year. My birthday card would ALWAYS arrive on or the day before my birthday. In it would be a check that grew from $20 to $50 in the later years. Inside he'd write, "Hi Jen-Have a great birthday! We love you lots and we'll be looking for you at Christmas", in his straight and precise architect's handwriting. What I wouldn't give to have one of those cards still.

I miss you Paw Paw and I'll be looking for you at Christmas too.